STABBING LETTUCE! :0
by Mishaka
Summary: What happens when you get a text from a nerd/wankster wanna be saying he was eating a salad and stabbed the lettuce? Or what happens when you stare at THE hottest guy in Forks High School? Find out here! Humor story. Bellandedward4evr co write. A/H
1. Chapter 1: The Text Message

Chapter 1 The Text Message

Mishaka's point of veiw

I was sitting at my computer texting a nerd. I was soo damn bored, there was like nothing to do in the whole freaken world. Then out of now where Jin, the nerd/ gangster wanna be, texted me something really demented:

Jin: Im tired

Mishaka: I can c dat

Jin: Ugh! Im eatin a salad and the leaf… I mean lettuce keeps fallin of my fork!

Mishaka: *feels bad*

Jin: u know wat? Im gonna stab it with my fork now!

Mishaka: *feels bad for the lettuce being stabbed* u know wat that means? GREEN BLOOD!

Jin: Im tired

Mishaka: I can still see dat

Jin: Gpghpp+abd

Mishaka: Dude, u rely need to get some sleep seriously

Jin: Ur so rite! Ima go take a shower brb

WOW! Too much info!

Mishaka: hahaha lol, im always rite! Bye

Ok this guy really needs a life! I thought. Ok whatever, back to my boring life in which im always BORED and be emo. Yea life really sucks! At least I have a new demented story to everyone! GREEEN BLOOD! (it owns)

School. Boring. i spent the first four periods of class being asked to do his work again. i said yes to make him shut up. During lunch, i sat down with a couple of my friends. Tori (she has a Twilight obbsession), Margarita, Daniela, Crystal (probably likes Jin), and Bella. Yeah, Bella. She's in love that Cullen kid. i guess he liked her too, because he's always staring at her like he's gonna have her any minute. Ewww. yeah, disgusting.

"Whats Up?" I sat down.

"Nothin. You?' Tori asked.

" The usual..."

I saw Bella staring at the Cullen kid, there was drool falling out of her mouth. "Bella?" Nothing happened. I slapped her. "OW! What was that for?" she asked.

"That." i pointed to the Cullen kid. "Your staring at him again." She turned a bright shade of red.

"Oh." she whispered. It looked like she was about to cry. "Gosh, Im soory if that hurt, but its just that you werent waking up."

I heard someone walk up behind me. I turned around. Jacob.

"Hey, anyone have gum?"Same question everytime.

i handed him 2 sticks of gum, and glared at him. He just walked away. Daniela was staring him, and Bella was staring at Cullen.

"Ugh, too much love aroung here!" I told them, They still weren't back to reality. "W/e im leaving." Cullen was behind me.

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**A/N:**

**IS it good?? Haha i slapped bella!**


	2. Chapter 2: Oh, Crap!

**Chapter 2: ****Oh Crap!**

**Mishaka Point of View:**

We were sitting at the usual lunch table, the day after Jacob asked for gum- AGAIN! I swear this kid owes me about twenty dollars worth of gum. Bella is _still_ starring at Cullen. Ugh! She annoys me when she does that! Every time she does, she looks like she's on crack. With drool hanging out and her eyes wide. I clapped in front of her face to get her attention. She shook her head and leaned back. "What happened?" she asked and started looking around the lunch room. Daniela, Kristie and Margarita started laughing. She's so pathetic.

"That," I pointed to Cullen. She blushed, dark red. She keeps starring at him and every time I tell her to stop, she blushes! I shook my head.

Tori slams her hands on the table. Everyone stares at her. What the hell. . ."I want a cookie," she announces and gets out of her seat. I burst into laughter, she's so random. She started running towards the snack stand.

"She's so weird," Bella said and shook her head while laughing.

"Yeah, and you're not any better," I said. She blushed- AGAIN! What the hell is wrong with her? "Dude, were you made to blush or something? That's all you do besides gawk at Cullen," I complained. Of course, again she blushed and looked down.

"I'm not blushing," she lied. She is _the _worst liar on the planet.

"Psh," I said. Tori started skipping back towards the table with two cookies in her hand. She sat down next to Bella and took a HUGE bite of one of the cookies. My eyes widened in shock. This girl went INSANE.

"Tori- what the hell are you doing?" Margarita asked. Tori put her finger up, signaling her to wait. She was chewing a lot, Crystal found it hilarious (I don't know why).

"Okay, I'm done. What's up?" Tori said after about five minutes. Margarita gave her "the look". The look that tells you, what the hell is wrong with you?! Tori shrugged and took another bite of the crumb she calls a cookie. Then, Cullen started walking towards our table. Oh, crap. Bella hide her face in her hands. I slapped the back of her head again.

"OW!" she said and put her hands on the table. I shook my head and sighed. Cullen walked over and stood next to Tori.

"Tori . . . can I talk to you for a second?" he asked. Tori smiled and nodded. They both started walking out of the lunch room. Bella's eyes turned red. Dear god! Tori is RETARDED!!!

**ToRr t0rR's (Tori's) Point of View: :P**

Edward (one of the hottest guys on the planet! XD) and me started walking out of the lunch room. We ended up near the lockers and he stopped walking. I stopped too (because I'm kewl like that!). He was leaning against the lockers and put a hand through his hair. Holy crap! He looked like he was posing for a magazine . . . NO! I'm not going to drool over him, like Bella. I closed my mouth and continued starring (I couldn't help myself). "What? You never seen a hot guy before?" Edward said.

"Psh, yeah . . . some one's every cocky," I commented folding my arms across my chest. I seen at least two more guys that are hot in this school. Both, which I like (they're are MAD nice and hott). Even though he was right . . . he is hot.

He chuckled. "Okay . . . um . . . your Bella's best friend? Right?" he asked. I nodded. Crap, he's not asking me out. Frowns mentally. I guess it makes sense, she's always starring at him. "Can you set me up on a date with her?" he asked nervously. I sighed, maybe he'll like me more if I do him this favor?

"Why not?" I said and shrugged. A bid smile went across his face. Oh, crap! He gave me a big hug. This diffidently . . . wow! He smells AHMAZING! I hugged him back, I couldn't help it. I memorized it, it was Axe!!! My favorite one too. Can he be anymore perfect? He pulled away.

"Thank you! Thank you!" he said.

"No problem," I breathed. Holy crap. Bella is SO lucky. "I'm have to go . . . eat m- my cookie," I shuttered and walked away. That it the most amazing thing that ever happened to me! I shouldn't tell Bella though. I shrugged at my thought. I walked into the lunch room. The first thing I noticed was Bella's red eyes. I knew she was about to cry. Oh, god. She never cries! She must really like Edward . . .

I walked over to the table and sat down next to Bella. She turned her head, apparently she was ignoring me. I decided to play with her. "Bells. . ." I whined. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"What did he want?" Crystal asked me. Ugh! Crap! I can't mess with Bella anymore.

"He asked if I . . . could . . . set . . . him on a date with someone," I answered with a smile. I knew Bella was going to talk me now.

"Who?!" she asked and looked at me. Wow . . .

"Calm down. You're going to get a whip lash," I teased. She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I'm calm. Who?" she asked again.

"Hm . . . I don't think you to want to know . . ." I said looking down. I really didn't want her to catch me smiling, I love teasing her. She's so gullible.

"Yes! I do!" she urged.

"Fine. He wants to go on a date with . . . the clumsiest person on the planet. Miss . . . Bella Swan!" I announced, using the announcer of boxing's voice. I wasn't mad about it, I was happy for her. There's still two guys let for me XD. Her mouth dropped. Mishal groaned and her face fell on her hands. I started laughing. I knew she hated _everything _about dating. Everyone was smiling. Maybe she'll stop starring at him. Forget that I said that. Holy crap! I just made things worse! I should tell Edward that she'll go . . .

I took out my phone and scrolled down my contacts list. Bella still hasn't responded yet. I looked at her, she looked like she watched the blank tape from The Ring (but less ugly)! I shrugged, she'll be back to normal when the bell rings.

"Um, Tori?" Daniela asked. I looked at her. "Is she okay?"

I looked at her. "Yeah," I shrugged. I found Edward's number and I started texting him.

_She'll go. Is Friday at seven good for you?_ I pressed send. I put down my phone and looked at Bella. Hm . . . she's weird. I started waving my hands in front of her face. She didn't move. I hit her forehead instead.

"Ow! Why is everyone hitting me!" she complained and started rubbing her head.

"Because you should have had a V8!" I exclaimed and turned my head.

"What?" she said confused. I started laughing at her reaction. This girl needs to watch some more t.v.! My phone started ringing.

_Patron, Tequila! I'm drunk on Margaritas!!!_

Margarita gave me "the look" again. She hated that song. I pressed okay. It was a text message from Edward.

_Yeah, that's good. Tori? How did you get my number? _

I bite my lip, trying not to laugh. I paid Emmett twenty dollars for it. Ah, good times, good times . . .

"Why are you texting Edward?" Bella asked.

"Oh, right. You have a date with him on Friday at seven. Make sure you're not doing anything," I said and started texting him back.

_That doesn't matter. Bells gonna ring. Cya! _I pressed send and put my phone away. The bell rang and we all got out of our seats to Social Studies. Ew.

**A/N: Hit or Miss? Please Review!!**


	3. Chapter 3: Bella!

**Mishaka'sz Point of View:**

_The next day..._

I still can't believe Tori set Bella and Edward on a date! She lost her mind. They're going tomorrow night. Ew.

We were sitting in English class. Our teacher was absent, so Professor Winter was our teacher today. He allowed us to do whatever we wanted, as long as we didn't make too much noise... like that was going to happen. We got a new student in our class, she is _very_ hyper. She seemed like she drank 20 cans of Red Bull (they give you wings!). She was in our school, but she transferred into the smart class. Her name is Alice Cullen. She seemed to fit in with the class well. Her and Bella get along, of course, since Alice was Edward's brother.

Everyone immediately took out their phones and started texting or listening to music. I was stabbing my binder with a pen, as everyone else was talking. I was bored (as always). I was just listening to everyone talk.

"We should all go shopping this Saturday!" Alice announced. I groaned, shopping. I HATED shopping.

"Sure," Tori shrugged and continued drawing. She had one head phone in her left ear and the other was in Bella's right ear. They were mostly likely listening to Linkin Park.

"Sounds fun," Daniela said and smiled. Margarita nodded.

"Mishal?" I dropped my pen on the desk and looked up.

"What?"

"You're coming with us," she said as if it were a fact.

"No! I'm not," I said and started stabbing my binder again.

"Yes you are!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Stop!" Tori snapped. I looked at her. "You're giving a headache, one. And two... you're going." I scowled at her and shook my head.

"Why not?" Alice asked. I looked at her.

"I _hate _shopping," I growled. Bella seemed as she was terrified and looked at Tori's drawing.

"What are you drawing?!" Bella asked in shock. I looked at the drawing myself. It looked very similar to... I forgot their names. Crap! Some people in our school. Whatever.

"Something..." Tori started and dropped her pencil. "Ta da!" She said and lifted the picture so everyone can see. Within seconds, Bella's face turned into a tomato. "Get's just a sketch," Tori said and winked at Bella. Bella turned dark red.

Everyone said at once, "Aw..." I started laughing at Bella's reaction.

Oh, it was a drawing of Edward holding Bella. Ew.

"Here, you keep this..." Tori said handing the picture over to Bella. Then she took it back. "Unless, you're going to throw it out. Then, I'll just give it to Edward," Tori compromised with her. At least I think she was compromising, or just black mailing her. Either or...

"Fine," Bella said and took the picture from Tori's hand.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes," Bella whispered and let her hair cover her face. Everyone _else _awed again. Ugh!

"These head phones are retarded. I'm going to go," Tori said handing over her head phone and phone to Bella.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To, um, talk to... someone," she said and practically ran off to the other side of the room. Of course, she was going to talk to John Grima. Typical. I still don't understand why she likes him. Although, she doesn't understand why I like his friend. XD

Bella put the picture in her backpack, quietly. I assumed she didn't want any of us noticing. I smirked at her and started stabbing my binder again. Ugh! This crap isn't working! Oh, well.

"Bella what are you wearing to your date tomorrow?" Alice asked. Dear god, poor Bella...

"Um... clothes?" Bella guessed, sarcastically. I laughed as Alice scowled at her.

"I'm going over your house so we can get you dressed before Edward picks you up!" She said. Bella just nodded, not arguing (no one could win with Alice) and put the other had phone in her ear. She was probably blasting the music, so she wouldn't have to listen to Alice. I wish I had music to listen to...

The bell rang, everyone started putting away their phones or I Pods and started leaving the room to go to our next class. Also known as lunch. Bella handed gave back Tori's phone and she walked out of the classroom. She froze.

"What is it?" I asked and stopped walking next to her. Edward was standing in front of her.

"Hi, Bella," he said and smiled. Crap!

"H- hi," she shuttered.

"Bella!" I whined. I hated when Cullen talked to her. She gets lost in her own little world. Of course, she ignored me.

"Would you like for me to walk you to lunch?" he asked her. Ugh! I walked away from their starring. The lunch room wasn't even that far! I walked into the lunch room, everyone was already as their usual seats. Emmett and Rosalie weren't in the lunch room, only god knows what they are doing.

I went over to my seat and sat down. I noticed that Jasper Hale was sitting next to Alice at the same table. Crap! All the "popular" people are going to be sitting at this table now.

Finally, Bella and Cullen walk into the lunch room. Still starring at each other. I lost my appetite.

"Why do you hate _everything_ about dating?" Tori asked irritated. I shrugged. I have no clue. "Wow..." she said and shook her head. Bella started walking over towards our table. Edward was walking a different direction. "Edward!" Tori called. He looked at her, with a weird look on his face. "Get your ass over here!" Bella sat down next to Tori. "Your welcome," Tori said to Bella. Bella covered her face with her hands.

"Why do you have to embarass me?" she asked and looked at Tori.

"I'm not embarassing you. I'm helping you... the picture was just an offer," she explained. Surprisely, Bella laughed. I thought she would blush. Hm... Edward walked over to our table and sat on Bella's left. This is going to be a long lunch.

* * *

**Yo, it's t0rR ToRr (also known on this site bellandedward4evr)! Mishaka didn't write this chapter. She's _probably _going to write the next chapter. Please review this chapter. Tell me what you think. I got a sketch of the drawing that Tori drew. I got it on photobucket. **

.com/albums/ac165/bellandedward4evr/STABBING%20LETTUCE/?action=view¤t;=

**Copy and paste the link. While you're at it, check out my stories. See ya!**

**-t0rR ToRr  
**


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